"Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:14

She had been searching and seeking the waters of serenity, of purification. She leaned over the edge of an aged fountain, peering into the aqua liquid that rested silent and still. Her reflection was clouded; it was not the clear reflection for which she yearned. She desperately splashed the water onto her face, hoping, pleading for a new image to appear once the ripples subdued. But the reflection remained; she was the same. This fountain was dead; it didn't flow with the refreshing and cleansing water that she needed.

She crumpled to the grass in despair, not knowing where else to look for the water that would nourish, fulfill, and transform her. She had traveled far and wide, seen everything from the fountain of youth to this forgotten monument which now stood before her, and still, she was unsatisfied. None of these waters flowed with the energy that she so desperately needed or the absolution that she so desperately desired. She looked at her hands; they were filthy from the dirt and grime of her journey. Her throat was parched and her lips were dry. She was thirsty, not having discovered the fountain she had set out to find.

How did she get here? How did she get so lost? She had started strong, with assurance, with determination, with Someone to help her along the way. But as distractions emerged and doubts surfaced, she had left her Guide behind. She had abandoned him on a dusty roadside, deciding to fend for herself.

Her loneliness consumed her.

At the base of the ancient fountain, she let her head fall to the ground, and she gave way to the overwhelming exhaustion. Sleep came fast, and the tears dried in salty streaks on her face. She dreamed of her thirst and the many miles she had traveled to quench it, only to fail in the end. She dreamed of her unwashed hands, of her murky reflection, of her unmet longing for purity. The darkness behind her eyes deepened as her regret rooted itself, destroying any chance for a new beginning. But then...

A rain drop.

The crisp, clean water fell on her lips. She heard a familiar voice through the hum of the steady rain. "Wake up. I'll give you a new beginning." Her eyes opened to see the face of the Guide she had long since abandoned. He reached down to help her to her feet. For the first time, she noticed the scars in his hands. Something told her these wounds were her doing. But his smile put her mind at rest. She surrendered herself to his warm embrace and to the revitalizing rain that poured around them. She was washed by the water. Her Guide's gentle words echoed through her ears: "I'm here with you, and I've never left you. I'll show you to the fountain of living water...if you would only follow me."

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard

It's been a few weeks since my parents came to visit, and I'm already looking forward to the next time we get to see one another. I feel incredibly blessed to have the parents that I do. I admire them in so many ways, and they never fail to give me the support, love, and encouragement that I need. I thank God that he put two such amazing people in my life, who helped make me the person I am today.

During the short time that both of my parents were here, we were able to squeeze in a handful of fun activities. We went out to dinner, walked around downtown St. Pete, and went to the beach. My parents were also kind enough to help me with some landscaping on a very hot day. I wouldn't have pretty flowers in my front yard had it not been for their hard work.

Sadly, my daddy had to leave after the long weekend to get back to work. But Mama got to stay the rest of that week, and we had a blast spending time together. We had great girl time, touching up the decor in the family room and shopping in Sarasota. It was wonderful to have her there to keep me company while Ryan worked in the evenings.

The end of the visit for both of my parents arrived too soon... as usual. But I am thankful that we shared such a fun and memorable time together. Every time I say goodbye to my parents after a visit, it feels bittersweet. I always hate saying goodbye, but I'm also always reminded of how blessed I am to have them in my life at all. Indeed..."How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

Another year

In about two hours, I will officially be 23 years old. I still haven't gotten used to saying that I'm 22, so when people ask how old I am now, most likely the response will be, "Um...let me think...Oh! I'm 23." On the eve of another year in my life, I decided to share some of my favorite things about my 22nd year and some of the things I want for the 23rd.

The best of 22:

Being newly married to the man of my dreams.

Moving into a house that I love.

Making new friends who have become very dear to my heart.

Remembering and staying in touch with the old friends that still mean so much to me.

Growing in my faith and my personal relationship with my Savior.

Getting my puppy who steals more of my heart every day :-).

Gaining opportunities to write for wonderful people.

Learning how to make a few more meals.

Staying close to my wonderful family, even though we're far apart.

Bonding with my new family members.

Hopes for 23:

Grow even closer to my husband.

Increase my love for God each day and be a constant display of His love.

Get a job, preferably one that I like :-).

Develop deeper relationships with new friends and stay in touch with the old ones.

Bond more and more with my own family and my amazing in-laws.

Learn more about photography (with my new camera from my hubby!).

Serve others.

Experience more of Florida.

Be content and thankful in all circumstances.

I'm sure there is so much more I could include for this past year and for the next one. But these are the things that float to the surface of my mind. Thank you , God, for giving me another year!

Tears of Real Joy

Tears ran down her face as she soaked in the words on the page. She had been reading her daily Bible study, and today's message hit her harder than anything had in a long time. For months, she had been striving to draw closer to God, sometimes feeling his presence and peace and other times wondering if He was even real. But these words set a flame in her soul and captivated her heart, making it impossible for her to deny the very real and personal King of Kings.

Her tears were not only the release of anxieties, frustrations, and doubts; they were also an outpouring of true joy that she had not experienced in some time. She had felt happiness and gratitude for all of God's blessings. She had understood the richness of her relationships and of so many other aspects of her life. But for weeks, or maybe months, she had not experienced the real, overwhelming, undeniable joy and peace that come from trusting in the Lord's love and goodness. And now, she felt the shedding of her petty worries and fears as the joy of God's presence filled her. The tears fell, cleansing her heart of all the needless doubts and making room for the truth within these words.

"...God is not only the answer to a thousand needs, He is the answer to a thousand wants. He is the fulfillment of our chief desire in all of life. For whether or not we've every recognized it, what we desire is unfailing love. Oh, God, awake our souls to see--You are what we want, not just what we need. Yes, our life's protection, but also our heart's affection. Yes, our soul's salvation, but also our heart's exhilaration. Unfailing love. A love that will not let me go!"

She read the sentences over and over again, sensing the weight of their message yet also feeling the lifting of a burden long carried. She didn't understand why such words were touching her now, when she had really known this all along. She had known... but she had not absorbed the reality of God's unfailing love. She had not been going through her days with the idea that He was her soul's exhilaration! And in this moment, she cried for joy knowing that He had never let her go and He would never let her go!

Yes, these were tears of real joy.

A Very Special Day

Engagement, May 2008

Tomorrow is a very special day. It's special because 23 years ago, on August 19, the man to whom I am now married arrived in this world. I always love celebrating people's birthdays because they are such wonderful reminders of God's incredible gift of life! Not to mention they give me the opportunity to rejoice over the presence of loved ones in my own life.

I truly feel blessed beyond words to have Ryan as my husband. Even though I am sure I take him for granted throughout our days, weeks, and months together, I realize how much he adds to my life. Eleven years ago, when I first met him at youth group, I would have never imagined that I would someday be happily married to Ryan Foster. But now that I am, I could not be more grateful to God for carving this path for our life together.

August 2008

I love so many things about my husband. I love his adorable smile, his amazing green eyes (which I really hope get passed down to at least one of our children!), the way my hand fits in his and the way I have to stand on my tip-toes to kiss him. I love his adventurous side, his role-with-the-punches attitude, and his ability to calm me down. I love his understated sense of humor, his willingness to serve, and his desire to be a good and godly man. I love the way he looks at me and how he tells me every day that I am beautiful. I love his dedication, hard work, devotion, and encouragement. Basically, I found all that I wanted from a husband in him, the boy I dated for an hour during middle school, ate lunch with as a high school freshman, and fell in love with once my college years began. It's crazy the turn both of our lives took, but thank God things happened the way they did!

July 2010

Happy birthday to the best husband I could wish or pray for! I love you more than all the stars in the sky and fish in the sea, and I couldn't be more thankful that you love me :-).

Back Again

After more than a month, I'm finally deciding to update my very neglected blog. We've had a lot going on over the past month: a trip to Colorado, our one-year anniversary, a visit from one of my best friends, and more.

To start, our two weeks in Colorado during July were incredible! Not only were we able to spend time with family, but we also shared a perfect weekend in the mountains to celebrate our anniversary. One of our friend's family owns a cabin in Red Feather, and they were generous enough to let us use it for a weekend while we were in Colorado. Ryan arranged the whole weekend getaway, and I was completely surprised and thrilled. We had so much fun relaxing with each other, going on hikes, canoeing, and roasting marshmallows over the campfire. I enjoyed every minute with my husband of one whole year!

The view while driving in Red Feather

Enjoying a fun hike together

During the rest of our visit in Colorado, we enjoyed seeing family members and friends. Almost every day that we were there, we were able to see another much-missed loved one. We also had fun seeing my sister's boyfriend (also named Ryan... funny, I know) and going to one of his baseball games in Wyoming. Because his parents were also visiting at the time, it was a full house at the Burks's residence, but we loved the energy and the constant fun of it all. Toward the end of our trip, the whole gang made it up to Rocky Mountain National Park for a breathtaking summer hike. I was certainly reminded of why I want to move back to Colorado someday!

Daddy and his girls in Rocky Mountain National Park

The ladies of the family

Ryan and me with Jordan and her Ryan

When we got back to Florida, Carol, one of my best friends from high school, came to visit us for a week. She arrived the day after we got home, so there wasn't much time for unpacking or settling back in. But it was so good to see her and to have some one-on-one girl time. The weather cooperated enough for us to have several sunny days on the beach, and we also got some shopping squeezed in while she was here. During Carol's visit, I decided that she must be my good luck charm. We went bowling with some friends one evening, and I bowled over 100 for the first time in my life (135)... I even beat my husband! Ssshhh... don't tell him I told you :-).

Carol and me at St. Pete Pier

After Carol left, it was back to reality, which was not easy I must admit. But I'm extraordinarily grateful for our amazing vacation time and our chance to catch up with the people we love and miss so much every day. I'm already counting the days till I get to see my wonderful family again :-). Until then, I'm looking forward to sharing the rest of the summer with my loving and adorable husband. Even though I miss Colorado and my family, he makes Florida my 'home sweet home.'

Doubts

I was doing some research today for one of my internships, and I came across something that blew my mind. In the middle of reading about a very talented and accomplished writer named Donald Murray, I realized that EVERYONE doubts themselves at one point or another. And sometimes people that seem incredibly brilliant or beautiful or gifted from the outside really feel insignificant or incapable on the inside.

Just to give you an idea of who Donald Murray was, I'll list some of his accomplishments.

• He won a Pulitzer Prize at age 29
• He received an honorary doctorate from the University of New Hampshire, where he also established the school's journalism program
• He wrote for the Boston Globe for 20 years
• He published more than 10 books about the writing process, as well as fiction and poetry

Clearly, the man had talent. He knew how to write, and he was good at teaching others to write. But in his last column for the Boston Globe before his death, Murray wrote these words: "Every time I sit down to write I don't know if I can do it. The flow of writing is always a surprise and a challenge. Click the computer on and I am 17 again, wanting to write and not knowing if I can."

When I read this in my research, I could hardly believe that someone so gifted could have the same doubts that run through my mind. I constantly lack confidence when I go to pick up a pen or type up a story.

My sister-in-law, Jenna, was visiting recently, and she and I talked about a similar subject. We talked about how we often compare ourselves to others. We sometimes assume that certain people have huge levels of confidence in their appearance or in their abilities. But the truth is, almost every person has doubts. We all feel insecure at times, and we all have to summon the courage to be ourselves and to follow our dreams.

I think one of the only ways I can find to conquer the inevitable doubts and insecurities is to recognize that only one opinion really matters: God's.

Donald Murray may have experienced the same doubts and feelings of insignificance that I often face, or he may just have been a very humble human being. Either way, I think there's a good lesson.