Back Again

After more than a month, I'm finally deciding to update my very neglected blog. We've had a lot going on over the past month: a trip to Colorado, our one-year anniversary, a visit from one of my best friends, and more.

To start, our two weeks in Colorado during July were incredible! Not only were we able to spend time with family, but we also shared a perfect weekend in the mountains to celebrate our anniversary. One of our friend's family owns a cabin in Red Feather, and they were generous enough to let us use it for a weekend while we were in Colorado. Ryan arranged the whole weekend getaway, and I was completely surprised and thrilled. We had so much fun relaxing with each other, going on hikes, canoeing, and roasting marshmallows over the campfire. I enjoyed every minute with my husband of one whole year!

The view while driving in Red Feather

Enjoying a fun hike together

During the rest of our visit in Colorado, we enjoyed seeing family members and friends. Almost every day that we were there, we were able to see another much-missed loved one. We also had fun seeing my sister's boyfriend (also named Ryan... funny, I know) and going to one of his baseball games in Wyoming. Because his parents were also visiting at the time, it was a full house at the Burks's residence, but we loved the energy and the constant fun of it all. Toward the end of our trip, the whole gang made it up to Rocky Mountain National Park for a breathtaking summer hike. I was certainly reminded of why I want to move back to Colorado someday!

Daddy and his girls in Rocky Mountain National Park

The ladies of the family

Ryan and me with Jordan and her Ryan

When we got back to Florida, Carol, one of my best friends from high school, came to visit us for a week. She arrived the day after we got home, so there wasn't much time for unpacking or settling back in. But it was so good to see her and to have some one-on-one girl time. The weather cooperated enough for us to have several sunny days on the beach, and we also got some shopping squeezed in while she was here. During Carol's visit, I decided that she must be my good luck charm. We went bowling with some friends one evening, and I bowled over 100 for the first time in my life (135)... I even beat my husband! Ssshhh... don't tell him I told you :-).

Carol and me at St. Pete Pier

After Carol left, it was back to reality, which was not easy I must admit. But I'm extraordinarily grateful for our amazing vacation time and our chance to catch up with the people we love and miss so much every day. I'm already counting the days till I get to see my wonderful family again :-). Until then, I'm looking forward to sharing the rest of the summer with my loving and adorable husband. Even though I miss Colorado and my family, he makes Florida my 'home sweet home.'

Doubts

I was doing some research today for one of my internships, and I came across something that blew my mind. In the middle of reading about a very talented and accomplished writer named Donald Murray, I realized that EVERYONE doubts themselves at one point or another. And sometimes people that seem incredibly brilliant or beautiful or gifted from the outside really feel insignificant or incapable on the inside.

Just to give you an idea of who Donald Murray was, I'll list some of his accomplishments.

• He won a Pulitzer Prize at age 29
• He received an honorary doctorate from the University of New Hampshire, where he also established the school's journalism program
• He wrote for the Boston Globe for 20 years
• He published more than 10 books about the writing process, as well as fiction and poetry

Clearly, the man had talent. He knew how to write, and he was good at teaching others to write. But in his last column for the Boston Globe before his death, Murray wrote these words: "Every time I sit down to write I don't know if I can do it. The flow of writing is always a surprise and a challenge. Click the computer on and I am 17 again, wanting to write and not knowing if I can."

When I read this in my research, I could hardly believe that someone so gifted could have the same doubts that run through my mind. I constantly lack confidence when I go to pick up a pen or type up a story.

My sister-in-law, Jenna, was visiting recently, and she and I talked about a similar subject. We talked about how we often compare ourselves to others. We sometimes assume that certain people have huge levels of confidence in their appearance or in their abilities. But the truth is, almost every person has doubts. We all feel insecure at times, and we all have to summon the courage to be ourselves and to follow our dreams.

I think one of the only ways I can find to conquer the inevitable doubts and insecurities is to recognize that only one opinion really matters: God's.

Donald Murray may have experienced the same doubts and feelings of insignificance that I often face, or he may just have been a very humble human being. Either way, I think there's a good lesson.

Daddy's Little Girl

On this Father's Day, I want to take a minute to share some of the reasons why I love my my daddy so much. (Yes, I will always call him "Daddy" and I will always be Daddy's little girl). God has blessed me exponentially by giving me such a wonderful man to call my daddy. I love him more than words can really explain, but I'll still give it a try.

I love my daddy because...

My hand always fit perfectly inside of his.

He always gave me goodnight kisses.

He was never too busy or tired to play tickle monster.

He took me hiking, camping, backpacking, and fishing.

He abandoned some of his "manly" duties to braid my hair.

He played diving games with my sister and me until we were pruney.

He always encouraged me to set high standards and go for my dreams.

He chose to stay committed to his family.

He exemplifies faith and devotion to God.

He's not afraid to be goofy.

He taught me how to throw, catch, and bat.

He danced with me to Sleeping Beauty.... "I know you. I walked with you once upon a dream."

He treated me like a princess but also taught me the value of hard work.

He loved me no matter what, and he still does.

Thank you, Daddy, for being everything I could ever want in a father. I love you!

Words

I was reading back through little journal entries and random stories I have written over the past couple of years, and I found this. It reminded me why I try to keep writing, even if it's brief updates on my blog or scattered prayers in a notebook. It reminded me of the power of words.

I love words. I love the way language can move, inspire, captivate, and express. The way a certain word can convey an idea that is entirely unique based on its context and connotations. Words are the windows to how we see the world. The words we hear escape the lips of our loved ones can shape the way we love, the way we learn, the way we live. It may sound cheesy or idealistic, but words have paved paths in all directions of my life. My love of words began early on. For as long as I can remember, I have been writing. Writing my prayers, writing my thoughts, writing my experiences or lack of experiences, and now writing a combination of everything, including the daydreams that consume my days and nights. My mother says that I inherited my love of words from my grandfather. When he passed away several years ago, she found numerous pieces of scratch paper scattered around his apartment. These bits of paper contained everything: inspirational quotes, my grandfather’s own insights, unusual words and their definitions, and questions. These questions contained extensive subject matter: life, death, joy, sorrow, peace, friendship, love, hate. My grandfather loved words. He was moved, inspired, and captivated by language. He expressed his wishes, his fears, and his passions through words. Near the end of his life, he began to forget his words. Looking back, it’s as though his fading words marked the onset of his fading life. Yet he kept the important words until the end: "Hello," "Goodbye," "I love you." I still keep an envelope with my grandfather’s handwriting. It reminds me that I inherited my grandfather’s love of words. And I am glad.

More and more each day...

I can't always understand why God has so richly blessed my life. He has guided my paths from the very beginning, and He has sometimes diverted my own inferior plans to complete His all-knowing ones. I never imagined that I would be married to a childhood friend and living in St. Petersburg, FL. I have fretted about failing to graduate "in time," but I have seen that His time is what counts.

I recently started a writing project for Roy Peter Clark of the Poynter Institute (the company that owns the St. Petersburg Times). This opportunity fell in my lap by the shear grace of God, and He is allowing me to build my writing, researching, and editing skills through it. My connection with Mr. Clark has since led to another internship opportunity, this time doing research for an author regarding her second book. I can almost hear God gently whispering to me, "I told you so." Why do I worry when He is constantly telling me and showing me that He has a plan? When Ryan was first stationed in St. Petersburg, I worried that the universities wouldn't be good enough and that I would never get established in writing or editing. Now I see that God brought me to a place filled with opportunity.

Not only has God poured out his blessings on my writing and editing aspirations, He has also given us a home to call our own. I love our new house more all the time. Again, I feel like God is trying to prove his overwhelming love and provision for us. He is on His throne, He is in control, and I have nothing to fear.

More and more each day, I am seeing and experiencing how His plans will always transcend my own. Thank heaven for that!

The End...And The Beginning!

I am officially done with my first semester at USF! I literally just emailed my final paper to the professor. It feels fabulous to be done with the hectic school schedule... at least for a little while. So it is the end of one thing, and the beginning of many others!

Vacation. My sister is coming to visit in two days, and I can hardly wait to enjoy the sunny weather with her! It will be so wonderful to relax together and enjoy one another's company. She will be here for a week, and then I have a few more days of real vacations until...

More School. I know, I just finished school. I shouldn't have to go back right away! Luckily, I am only taking two summer classes that last until mid-June. And taking summer school will lighten the work load for my last semester in the fall. But at least I have something else to look forward too...

A house! We will close on our newly purchased home by May 24th. I am getting thrilled about decorating our adorable bungalow, and Ryan is anxious to have a big garage... of course. We feel so blessed that God has given us the opportunity to buy a house. It will be a fantastic experience and will make Florida feel a bit more like home. And guess who our first house guest will be...

Jenna! My sweet sister-in-law will be the first to stay with us at our new home. I am so excited to see her! I know that we'll have a blast soaking up the sun and talking about her wedding plans! And guess what? The list doesn't end there.

Colorado. Ryan and I are going to spend twelve magnificent days there in July. We will feel beyond-words delighted to see family and the beautiful mountains again! Ryan also has something special planned to celebrate our one-year anniversary while we are there. He won't give me any hints, so I have a couple months of anticipation ahead of me.

I don't know how much more beautiful my life could get! Thank you, Lord, for endings and new beginnings

A Quiet Sunday Night

Ryan has been gone just a few days on his first deployment, and I am already feeling so lonesome without him here. It's strange how quiet the apartment gets when he's gone. Even though I've spent much of my time doing homework, I still wish he was here sitting on the couch next to me... just for the company. At least his trip only lasts two weeks, and my mommy is coming to visit in just a couple of days!

Because Ryan is away and because I woke up with an extremely sore throat this morning, I have barely ventured from the house today--except to take the dog out--and as I write, I am still wearing my PJs from last night. Yes, I am a complete slug. I decided to watch Julie and Julia to fill some of the quiet and to get away from the boredom of homework. And of course, the movie made me hungry. So I searched my pantries and found all of the ingredients for peanut butter cookies. Now, I have a plateful of cookies sitting on the kitchen counter...tempting me in all of their deliciousness. Why I chose to bake when my husband is gone is beyond me. At least they satisfied my sweet tooth.

Moving on to more important subjects... (I know, what could be more important than cookies!?) Ryan and I have found two houses in St. Petersburg that we really like. We submitted an offer for one, but because it's a shortsale, it may not go through in time. We continue to pray that God will lead us where he wants us to go.

The house-search and the beautiful weather are making it very hard for me to stay motivated in school. Indeed, I have major spring fever, and I can't pull myself away from HGTV. But I am at least thankful that I now have an end in sight. I will graduate from USF by December 2010...only 15 credit hours to go!

Now that I have provided this brief little update on life, I just have to share how blessed I feel to lead such a life. It may seem silly, but having Ryan gone over the last several days has reminded me how much I love him and enjoy being with him. Watching Julie and Julia tonight, I was touched by the loving line: "You are the butter to my bread and the breath of my life." At first it sounds funny, but then you understand what it means. The one you love tops everything off. They add that little extra flavor or spark. And they always give you the encouragement you need. I'm so incredibly grateful to have a husband who does all of this and more for me! I can't wait for him to come home!